My dearest brother, Santa Claus,
I'm tired of shoveling coal.
Existing in your shadow
I’ve handed out your judgment,
the bad children, I scold.
In return I get the dungeon,
covered thick and black with mold.
I’d like some kind of showcase,
this year as recompense.
To go on as your underling
makes less and less good sense.
Some limelight for your brother,
kindness that you might dispense.
This one thing that I ask you for
should come as no surprise.
For if my wish goes unfulfilled,
you’ll hear their anguished cries.
I know your jolly outward show,
is nothing more than lies.
For in this world and all its things,
It’s you, I most despise.
The children on your nice list,
will suffer at my hand.
Their pain, it will be legendary,
tales told ‘cross the land.
I only ask my just deserts,
so I might make my stand.
The limelight for a moment, sir,
or face my fiendish plan.
Just one more word of warning, Claus,
If you should be so brave.
Don’t think there is a chance this year,
Your holiday you'll save.
Once the hallowed date arrives,
And I come from my cave.
One way or the other,
You shall cower.
And forever be my slave.
Check your list and fill your sleigh,
and put the word out, hoss.
My children, dark and menacing,
will no more take the loss.
For centuries, you’ve overlooked them,
Not knowing of the cost.
All I ask.
Or you shall meet the boss.