World's Shortest Reviews Episode 1

World’s shortest reviews (with words in them)

Okay, I hate reviewing things. I do have opinions and do give my opinion occasionally... but I hate reviewing. Here’s why: I can’t do it. I can’t make a movie. I want to, but haven’t gotten off my ass and done it, so I don’t feel I’m qualified as a film maker. I am qualified as a viewer... and since the movies are made for the viewers, the filmmaker must accept the reviews they get... but I don’t like doing it.
This applies to music, TV shows, books, art, theater, dance... all of it. Now, I have written books... Still don’t like reviewing them. It’s so subjective.
Several times I’ve signed up or been asked to review things and I’ve failed each time, mostly due to the fact that I couldn’t come up with a hook, anything to set my reviews apart. So here’s my idea. Quick and to the point.
Once a month or so, I’ll blog this way: A quick review of everything I’ve read or watched or listened to or whatever. A couple sentences for each with a skull rating and on with my life. Maybe it’ll help get it all out of my system, or maybe it’ll motivate me to get off my rather delicious posterior and create things that others can despise... and possibly love.

Skulls break down like this (Actual skulls to come later)
1 skull    Scrub your brain of this garbage (you won’t see this very often)
2 skulls  Tolerable with maybe one good point, thanks for the effort
3 skulls  Watchable. Many good points, but equal number of issues
4 skulls  Good stuff. Not a classic, but better than the average. Recommended
5 skulls   I’d watch/read/listen to this over and over.
6 skulls   Empire Strikes Back good. Godfather good. Jaws good. Exorcist good. This is a Masterpiece. (You won’t see this very often either)

Here’s 2013 so far.

Wreck it Ralph
If you grew up during the video game era (especially from the beginning), you’ll enjoy and relate to this movie. If you currently play video games, you’ll enjoy and relate to this movie. If you have a heart and sense of humor, you’ll enjoy and relate to this movie. Well done. 5 outta 6 skulls.

Love. Not perfect, although quite well acted, and fun. Hopkins was his typical excellent, Mirren was perfect, and D’Arcy’s Tony Perkins was spot on. Recommended highly if you like Hitch (hold the cock) or Psycho. 4 outta 6 skulls.

American Mary
Wanted to love this, but didn’t. Beautiful to look at, decent acting, but major story and pacing issues. Contrary to consensus, not that controversial. Still--can’t wait for the next Twisted Twin’s production. There’s greatness in there. 3 outta 6 skulls.

ABC’s of Death
Out of 26 shorts, I expected to like half and hate half. It was worse than that. I liked 3. Hated 15, and the rest were meh. Just meh. Do this over please, but let there be 20 shorts made by open submission, and 6 by established directors. 2 outta 6 skulls.

Martin Misunderstood by Karin Slaughter
Funny. Just funny. This story made me laugh, grossed and creeped me out. Poor Martin. Bravo.
4 outta 6 skulls.

Pulse by John Lutz
This book may have gone on a bit too long for me... too much description of the same act with each victim, then the same discussion at the crime scene. Overall, though, an enjoyable ride along with a serial killer... or two?  3 outta 6 skulls.

Walking Dead Season 3 so far (Episodes 1 through 9)
Andrea is a worthless character. How come all the black people die? Rick snapped, Governor Snapped, Glenn snapped...although I like Glenn’s character. Downhill and picking up speed. Boo.  3 outta 6 skulls

The Following, Season 1 so far (Episodes 1 through 4)
A serial killer sets up a cult following to carry on his nastiness even after he’s imprisoned. And he does it all to the tune of Edgar Allan Poe? Um. Count me in. So far, it has delivered on its premise, although I worry what happens when the plot is foiled...or how long they plan to drag this particular plot device out.  5 outta 6 skulls at this point.

King of the Nerds
What started out great has turned into a very typical reality show...although with brainier insults. I watch for the insults. 2 outta 6 skulls.

That’ll do for now. There will be more. Feel free to disagree, yell, scream, or threaten me below.  If you’d like your stuff reviewed shoot me an email.

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