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Wednesday, March 21, 2012

I'm a mutt.

Ever feel like you don't fit in? Is it a prerequisite for artists to feel like outcasts? I think it starts with breeding. I don't have that home culture to look to. I mean, I have family, but no instant bond with people based on my 'make up'. Some cultures and ethnicities just embrace like people and I find that interesting, endearing. I find it sad that it is something I will likely never ever know.
So, I'm a mutt. No one homeland outside of the good ol' USA to call my own. And even here, I find it's a chore to find those like me. The ones who get me and whom I get. Will this plague me forever? Realizing only when I'm too old that I could've done things differently? That maybe fitting in isn't the answer. The desire to be liked, even sought out for something that is uniquely mine. It's terrifying.
I truly feel that way. Terrified of new people, new things. Terrified I won't fit in. Because of that, I suppose, I rarely do. It isn't that I don't like people... or maybe I do set the bar rather high where others are concerned. I'm no picnic, so I'm glad for those who do accept me. Not me--the guy at work. Or me--the guy who deals with the public. Or me--the guy at my kids school functions. But me-- the weirdo writer, musician, guy who for the past 25 years of his life has wanted nothing more than to be creative in some way. To write music, to make a film, to publish a book.
To belong somewhere.

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